I have a friend that sometimes watches those medical lawsuit commercials,
you know, the ones from the lawyers that really are seemingly chasing
the ambulances. He’s a little slow and sometimes gets confused by the
commercials. He called me the other day. We’ll call him Bob. Not that
his name really is Bob…
“Hello?”
“Hey, it’s me,” he said.
“Oh… great, well, this is me too, but since you called, I guess you know that… What’s up, Man?”
“Well, you know we were going bowling this Friday night?”
“Uh huh,” I agreed.
“Can’t go,” he said.
“Oh… Well, that’s too bad… What’s up?”
“Um, well, it’s kind of embarrassing, “ he said.
“Oh… Well, no problem, sorry I asked,” I said.
“Listen, I’m really worried.”
“Well then, what’s wrong, Bob,” I asked? I was concerned. Must be
serious for him to call me.
“Well, I’m concerned about this Trans vaginal mesh thing on the T.V.,” Bob says.
“Oh… Ex-wife… Janie?”
“Huh?”
“Wife had the surgery?”
“You know, I never even thought of that,” Bob says.
“Oh… Mother… Sister?”
“Jesus, now I’m really worried… I was worried about me… That time I had the surgery for the hernia.”
“Um… OK… So, you were worried what, that they used trans vaginal mesh to repair it?”
“Oh, that’s bad,” Bob says. “I didn’t even think of that… But, no… When I went to see that shrink a few years back he told me I had to get in touch with my inner Vagina.”
I choked. I couldn’t help it. “He said that?”
“I think so… The thing is he was saying a lot of shit, I really wasn’t paying
attention. Inner feminine side, vagina, something.”
“Okay… Well, is it possible he said inner child? And … Get in touch with your feminine side?”
“Maybe,” Bob allowed. “But, you know we are all female in the womb and that means we must have a
vagina and that’s what’s got me worried.”
“You’re concerned about your ex-vagina?”
“No… No… It’s …, well, uh I just don’t know if my trans vaginal mesh is in good shape or not…. Got me worried…”
“Uh… Uh… Um, I think, there is no need to worry about that, I’m pretty sure you have to have a vagina to have the uh, mesh.”
“Oh… Well, Janie was…”
“Nope… Don’t count. That was her vagina… You just used it on occasion… And, you are not even together anymore.”
“Oh… Huh… Well, I guess I’ll see you Friday night then?”
“Yep. Pick you up around seven.”
~
Okay.
Yes, I’m not all that funny, but you still read it. Let me leave you with this. As all of my friends know, I no longer drink. But if you do drink remember not to drive. If you do most likely, you’ll be caught, and they’ll send you to jail. You’ll blow trial and go to state prison. Then one day you’ll be in the prison shower and some dude … Oh… Sorry. Bad memories. You get the point. Don’t drink and drive, okay?
Here is a short excerpt from The Bone Clan you can read free…
THE BONE CLAN
Copyright 2023 Sam Wolfe, all rights reserved.
This novel is inspired, in part on hours and hours of Prehistoric evolution videos, archaeological dig findings and evidence concerning Neanderthals, Denisovans, Cro-Magnon peoples and of course early Homo Sapiens of all lineages. I am not an archaeologist or a scientist; I am authoring only my own opinions.
This book is a work of fiction; any resemblance to real events is unintentional. All places, events scenarios are products of the author’s imagination.
No part of this book may be re-edited or distributed in any way without the written permission of the author.
ONE: The Cave
The attack came without warning. The cave rested in their sleep. Four warriors on guard, but they were not as alert as they should have been.
The enemy had clearly planned this attack with precision and patience. They knew the weaknesses of their opponents and took advantage of it. The sound of clubs thudding on flesh and screams echoed through the cave, waking up the rest of the warriors who were caught off guard.
As they scrambled to grab their weapons, they realized that they were outnumbered. The attackers had brought a larger army than they had anticipated. Panic set in as they fought for their lives, trying to defend their territory.
The battle lasted for hours, leaving behind a trail of blood and destruction. When it was finally over, only a handful of warriors remained standing. Deh gave the command to abandon their territory, fighting the attackers off while the women and the children were spirited away. They mourned the loss of their fallen comrades and vowed to never let their guard down again. But even more the loss of home and fire. Fire sustained them, without it there was only darkness and no way to know what was in that darkness, creeping, preparing to attack them.
Now that the fire was gone. The Bone Clan would be left vulnerable to the dangers of the night. They had no choice but to flee, to seek refuge in a new land where they could start anew and rekindle the fire that had once brought them together.
The Bone Clan ran through the forest, their feet pounding against the damp earth. They had no time to look back, no time to mourn the loss of their homes and belongings. All they could do was run, run as fast as they could.
As they ran through the darkness, their hearts heavy with sorrow and uncertainty, they clung to each other for comfort and support. The women held their children close, whispering words of reassurance as they stumbled over rocks and roots.
The warriors led the way, their eyes scanning the shadows for any sign of danger. They knew that predators lurked in the darkness, waiting for an opportunity to strike. But they also knew that they could not stop until they found a new home for their people.
The darkness was suffocating, and the absence of stars made it even more eerie. The heavy skies seemed to weigh down on them, as if trying to crush them under its weight. The leaden waters added to the sense of foreboding that hung in the air.
As they ran deeper into the forest, the undergrowth became thicker and more tangled. The dampness clung to their clothes and skin, making them shiver with cold. The bristly bushes scratched at their faces and arms, leaving angry red marks.
But it wasn’t just the plants that posed a threat. Reptiles slithered through the leaf litter, their hissing and rustling sending chills down their spines.
They knew that danger lurked around every corner in this dense jungle. The sound of snapping twigs and crunching leaves made them jump at every turn. They had to be on high alert at all times, ready to defend themselves against any potential threats. The humid air made it difficult to breathe, and the constant buzzing of insects added to their discomfort. Despite the challenges, they pressed on, determined to reach their destination and complete their mission.
As they trudged deeper into the jungle, the terrain became more treacherous. The ground was slick with mud, and the thick vines and branches made it difficult to navigate. They had to use their machetes to hack through the dense foliage, and their progress was slow. But they knew that they couldn’t afford to let their guard down. The jungle was full of hidden dangers, from venomous snakes to deadly predators. They had to stay focused and alert, relying on their training and instincts to keep them safe. Despite the obstacles, they were determined to succeed, no matter what challenges lay ahead.
As they continued their journey, the team’s determination only grew stronger. They knew that the mission they were on was crucial, and they couldn’t let anything stand in their way. The jungle seemed to be testing them at every turn, with steep inclines and sudden drops in the terrain. But they pushed on, their eyes scanning the surroundings for any signs of danger. The sound of rustling leaves or a twig snapping could send them into high alert, ready to defend themselves. They were a well-oiled machine, each member relying on the other to make it through.
Their hearts pounded in their chests as they ran, their breaths coming in ragged gasps. They knew that they had to put as much distance between themselves and the danger as possible, but they also knew that they couldn’t keep up this pace forever. Eventually, they would have to stop and rest, and when they did, the fear would come crashing back down on them like a tidal wave.
But for now, all they could do was run. Run until their legs gave out or until they reached safety. And so they stumbled on through the darkness, guided only by the faint light of the stars above and the voice of their own instincts.
As they crossed streams and climbed hills, some of them began to wonder if they would ever be able to return home again. Would their families even recognize them after all that had happened? Would they be welcomed back with open arms or shunned as cowards?
But those were worries for another time. For now, all that mattered was survival. As they trudged through the harsh terrain, their minds raced with thoughts of what awaited them at home. Would their loved ones still be there? Would their homes still stand? The uncertainty was almost too much to bear, but they pushed on, driven by the hope of a better tomorrow.
And as they finally emerged from the jungle, victorious, they knew that they had truly accomplished something great.
The Bone Clan quickened their pace, their hearts pounding with anticipation. The wind whipped through their hair as they ran, their feet pounding against the ground. They had been traveling for hours, and the thought of finally reaching safety kept them going. As they ran, they could see the outline of the mountains in the distance, and they knew that sunlight was getting closer.
Fire was more than just a source of warmth and light. It was a symbol of hope, a reminder that even in the bleakest moments, there was still something worth fighting for. They knew that as long as the fire burned, they had a chance to survive.
They would gather around it at night, telling stories and singing songs to keep their spirits up. They would cook their meager meals over it, grateful for every scrap of food they could find. And when danger loomed, they would use it to signal for help or to scare off predators.
As time passed fire became a way of life for the people. They learned to tend to it carefully, feeding it with the right kind of wood and keeping it sheltered from the wind and rain. Fire was a force to be reckoned with, both feared and revered by all who encountered it. But it was also unpredictable, capable of spreading quickly and consuming everything in its path.
Despite its dangers, fire was essential to the survival of early humans. It allowed them to venture out into new territories, to explore and conquer the world around them. And as they learned to control it, they gained a sense of power and mastery over their environment.
The loss of the Fire was devastating. It had been the source of warmth, light, and life for as long as anyone could remember. Without it, the tribe would struggle to survive in the harsh wilderness. They would have to rely on their wits and skills to hunt, gather food, and fend off predators.
Now that it was gone, there was a sense of emptiness and despair that hung over the tribe like a dark cloud. Some wondered if they would ever be able to rekindle it again. Others feared that they were cursed or abandoned by the spirits.
As they mourned the loss of their beloved Fire, they also remembered those who had sacrificed themselves to protect it. They honored their bravery
Hours passed as they ran through the night, their exhaustion mounting with every step. But just when it seemed like all hope was lost, a faint glow appeared above the mountain tops on the horizon. The dawn of a new day, and a respite from the dangers of the night for a time.
Deh gathered the Bone Clan together as the sun began to rise over the mountain tops in the far distance to pay tribute to the fallen heroes who had given their lives to protect the fire and the Bone Clan. They shared stories of their courage and selflessness, and tears flowed freely as they remembered the sacrifices that had been made. Despite the sadness that hung heavy in the air, there was also a sense of pride and gratitude for those who had given everything. As the sun rose on the solemn ceremony, the community vowed to never forget the bravery of those who had come before them and to continue to honor their legacy for generations to come.
They ate what supplies they had with them, drinking from a nearby stream and then leaving guards the main body of the clan fell into a deep sleep, huddled together for warmth and protection. Day slipped by and night came upon them. The guards were changed, and the Bone Clan slept through that night, feeling far enough away from the violence that had driven them from their homes.
They were up and set out before dawn. The group paused for a moment to take in the beauty of the scene before them. The savannah stretched out as far as the eye could see, with tall grasses swaying gently in the breeze. In the distance, they could make out a herd of wildebeest grazing peacefully.
As they continued on their journey, they knew that they had to be careful. The savannah was home to many dangerous animals, including lions and hyenas. They kept a watchful eye on their surroundings, scanning the horizon for any signs of danger.
As they walked, they talked about their ancestors who had walked this same path before them. They shared stories of bravery and resilience and marveled at how their family had survived in such a harsh environment for so many generations.
The men looked at the women with a mix of sympathy and frustration. They knew that the women had suffered just as much as they had, but they couldn’t help feeling annoyed by their constant slowing of the Clan. Even so, they kept moving. It was exhausting, both physically and mentally, but they knew that they had no other choice. They had to keep going, no matter what.
Despite the exhaustion and constant fear, they found solace in each other’s company. They had formed a tight bond during their time on the run, relying on each other for support and encouragement. They knew that they were in this together, and that gave them the strength to keep going. As they moved from place to place, they saw the world in a different light. They noticed the small details that they had never paid attention to before, and they appreciated the simple things in life. They knew that their mission to find a new home was important, but they also realized that the journey was just as significant…
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