Notes from the Edge 03-11-24

Ten things that
evolve as you age…

1.       1: After you take a drink of anything, you
sometimes have to remember to close your mouth and swallow. You would think
that would be forever automatic, but it isn’t.

2.    2: When your socks evolve into left and right
socks? It is time for new socks.

3.    3: Bending over causes a gas, umm, problem…

4.    4: You find yourself at the backdoor staring out at
the backyard. You know you went out there for a reason, but you cannot remember
what it was. So, you close the door, head back to the TV, and then you remember
you went out there to call the cat to dinner… Or the dog… Or the squirrel,
whatever pet you have…

5.    5: You wonder if there is a health care worker that
just ties shoes. Then you think: ‘They have those Velcro ones… Or slip-ons!’
Then, in the middle of those thoughts you forget what you were doing, sit up,
pass gas, say excuse me to the empty room, and go back to watching the Price is
Right…

6.    6: When you get up you have to add so many things
to yourself to make up the whole that you begin to wonder where it all came
from…

7.    7: You no longer have to brush your teeth, the
little plastic bowl and those things that look like Alka Seltzer does it for
you…

8.    8: Sometimes, when you see yourself in the mirror
you think ‘Call the cops!’

9.    9: You find yourself wondering if anyone can even
see those nose hairs that have now blended successfully with your moustache.
That reminds you to check your ears, which have somehow grown to resemble
oriental bush gardens.

1    10: You go back to the back door to call the cat to
dinner, now that you remember why you went there in the first place. You call
and call, but the cat doesn’t come. Just as you are about to give up the cat
meows from behind you. You jump ten feet (In old-speak that is about an inch),
pass gas, ask the cat to excuse you, take a heart pill and go and feed the cat…
Dell…

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